Sometimes I feel my brain is a ball of yarn that has fallen to the floor and unraveled. Recently I was running when my memory took me to my childhood home. A place where a canopy of crab apple trees covered the gravel lane that led to our home filling the air with lush fragrance and soothing pastels of color as the petals drifted to cover the ground in the gentle breeze. I began to recall other memories related to my childhood, the yarn unraveling even further. At one point, I thought how did my mind get here? All because I heard the word meadow in a song by John Lucas. "There's a home in the meadow, and it's a home you ought to meet." Our home was a home in the meadow. God has been prompting me during this pandemic season to remember. Much like we are instructed to do in Psalm 105:1,5 "1 Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done. 5 Remember the wonders he has done." It is time for me to begin to wind up the ball of yarn and with each turn of the ball, remember what He has done. Journey with me down that 1/4 mile gravel lane off of Country Road 35 in Auburn, IN. Although my first home was a small home within walking distance of a nice park in Cedarville, IN we moved to Auburn within my first year of life, so my first memories are of this home. I believe my dad wanted to live off the grid, to exist outside of governmental observation. My dad was the son of an alcoholic father and a veteran of the Vietnam War. Let's just say, he had little trust in others. My dad passed away in 2011 but there are so many questions I would like to ask him. "After returning from Vietnam you got your bachelor's in education, why did you never teach?" "Why did you want to live off the grid?" "Why did you abandon your responsibilities as a father and leave your family; your wife and four kids ages 8, 6, 3 and 1?" "Do you realize the issues I have had to work through because I grew up in a divorced home without a biological dad?" I know the questions get deep fast. Then God calls me to remember. Remember I am a God of redemption. I have been redeeming that which is broken since the Garden of Eden. I am so very grateful for God's heart of redemption. God saw that young family. He had plans for that young family. An earthly father may have abandoned his family, but our Heavenly Father was ever present. Shortly after my parent's separation, we received an invitation to church from a family whose son was a friend of my older brother. One Sunday our young family, a single mom with four kids (talk about courage in the early 1980's) drove south in their brown van on Country Road 35 and entered the doors of Hopewell United Brethren Church and my life would never be the same. Several people within this church (the Downen's, the Cook's, the Cherry's, the Bryant's, the Hughes' and Keith Steininger) adopted and discipled our family. I asked Jesus into my heart at the age of 7 during a week of Vacation Bible School. Barb Downen taught my VBS class. I memorized John 3:16 in Whirlybirds, a mid week Bible program that Keith Steininger helped to oversee. Jeanette Cherry was my Sunday School teacher faithfully sending postcards if I missed a Sunday. At the age of 8 I received my first Bible from Wing and Dorothy Hughes. In the back of this NIV Bible with a worn blue cover filled with stickers from the early 80's is written on the first Notes page in childish print and spelling, "I will never leve God." This is true almost 40 years later. But more importantly, I have learned that God will never leave me. Remember how God redeemed this young family, a wind of the yarn. Our home in the meadow from 1974-1984 through my childhood eyes was an idyllic home although I am sure my mom felt at times isolated and alone. She was most likely frustrated at the condition of the home because my dad began a remodel before their separation but never finished. She made the most of it by decorating our home with elements she found in nature, canning fruits and veggies harvested from our garden and fending off rabbits in the garden with the shotgun dad had left. We had a big flower and vegetable garden which included grape vines and a gooseberry patch. Store bought grape juice cannot compare to homemade canned grape juice and one of my favorite pies is tart gooseberry pie. In the winter she kept our home warm by stocking the wood burning stove with chopped logs. Boredom is the seedbed of creativity. We were forced to be creative as our only technology was a tv with four local channels. Every season we were outside exploring, hiking through the woods, climbing trees, weaving through the corn rows in the field, pitching and hitting baseballs with my brother, tromping through the snow, building snowmen and forming snow angels. Throughout the summer I was found trailing after my brother running while he was riding his bike. Seems like I continually had skinned up knees in the summer as sandals are not the best running shoes on gravel lanes. When the weather was not conducive to being outside I played school and dress up with my younger sisters or Monopoly or Chess with my brother. I also baked cookies or cakes in the kitchen, or tried, some ingredients may have been left out from time-to-time or maybe it was the wrong measurements, I was not very good at fractions. My very best friend, C.J., lived on the next County Road west of our home. We met at McKenney-Harrison Elementary School. Friday night sleepovers were so much fun at her farmhouse. We played Little House on the Prairie on the straw bales in the barn, picked strawberries in their strawberry patch, ice skated on her pond in the winter and took care of her horse, Bud. C.J.'s mom is a wonderful baker and cook. One of C.J.'s birthdays we pulled taffy. To a child growing up in a divorced home, C.J. 's family was an example of a family with a mom and a dad and they were very welcoming to me in their home. I am grateful to C.J. and how she so generously listened to me as I shared my thoughts and how she made a child of divorce feel normal. Remember how God provided adventure and friendship for a young elementary school aged girl, a wind of the yarn. Because of the divorce at such a young age I felt like I was always trying to catch up in school and when I felt like I caught up in the third grade in part because I remember the accomplishment I felt at completing my first chapter book, I had to work my tail off to stay in the game. Although I was near the top of my class academically, school never came easy. Even at times as an adult I struggle with feeling “not as smart” as those around me. A continual struggle as I desire to live as God’s beloved daughter knowing He is proud of me as my Heavenly Father not for what I do but because I am His. When I was in the third grade Hopewell United Brethren Church went through a church split. At this young age I did not understand all the dynamics involved. My mom decided at the time of the split to begin to look for a new church. In June of 1982, mom, Tim and I visited Calvary Chapel of Auburn in a storefront in downtown Auburn. It was one of their last Sundays in the storefront before moving to the new church they were building on CR 427 just south of Auburn. I did not know that Sunday that CC of Auburn would be my new church family until Eric and I went to seminary in 1996. Again our young family was adopted by other families. The Buss family invited us to go on vacation with them to a cabin in the UP of Michigan. Lake Superior was a walk down the dunes from the cabin. Our two families caravaned together to the cabin using walkie talkies between the two vehicles. They had three older children with their youngest being the same age and good friends with my older brother. The week was filled with running up and down the dunes, climbing on the breakers in the lake, meals together, games, baths in a nearby warmer lake, and I am sure much laughter. Some laughter at my expense by my brother and his friend as I took a tumble running down the dune and landing on my face right in front of them. You can’t take yourself too seriously, get up and laugh it off. I love the body of Christ, His church. We are all children of God, family. When the body of Christ gathers there is laughter, joy, fun, compassion, giving, and so much more. I am grateful for these earliest memories of doing life together that our girls now have experienced with our church family. Middle school was rough, we moved from my idyllic home in the country to a home in the town of Auburn the summer before sixth grade. I went from having my own room to sharing a room with my two younger sisters. Two redeeming factors of the move was the library was one block from our house and the downtown area of Auburn with the dime shop where I bought my cross stitch supplies was within walking distance. My class was the first class to begin sixth grade in middle school. Before that elementary school was kindergarten through sixth grade and junior high was 7th grade through 9th grade. We were the first sixth grade class to begin at the middle school. Middle school is a time of transition. A lot of elementary schools come together to form one middle school. C.J. was accepted into the gifted program for our core classes so we did not have many classes together. At the start of middle school my mom qualified for reduced lunches with the school. Students who received reduced lunches had to go through a separate lunch line. I sincerely hope this policy is not still in place. At an age where you are desperately wanting to fit in they institute a practice like a separate lunch line where you stand out. I am thankful for the friendships that developed within my youth group at church. I know they carried me through my middle school and high school experience. Since 6th grade was moving to middle school, our youth group adjusted accordingly and I joined the youth group as a sixth grader. One of the first trips I took with the youth group was to Cedar Point. Several girls in high school took me under their wing and let me hang around them. This meant I was able to ride quite a few of the roller coasters out of positive peer pressure. I met Tara at church. Tara was one year ahead of me in school. Summers in middle school and early high school were spent at her house watching 80’s romantic comedies and hanging around her pool singing the soundtracks to the 80’s romantic comedies. Looking back I can now see another of God’s gifts in the friendships He provided at church. I often felt out of place at school but church and time with Tara, the youth group, and my church family was where I could be myself...another wind of the yarn.
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I did not even need a picture to grab your attention. Racism is a controversial topic right now. I am self declaring myself to be a repentant racist. This past month I have been watching, I have been reading and I have been listening. I know your first reaction may be, “What? Becky, the quiet pastor’s wife is racist?” My answer is yes. I may not intentionally be mean to people of color. That is the catch, intentionality. Through the course of my 47 years I have benefited from a system that favors whites. Up until now I have unintentionally been participating in a system that is harmful and deadly to those who may look differently than me. Unintentionally or ignorance is not an excuse. I believe for most Americans, ignorance can no longer be an excuse.
Through the events of this past month, light is dispelling darkness. And, this darkness is downright ugly and evil. It is time to ask, “What is the true history of our country?” What is the history of our cities and small towns? I am asking the question, why was there just one black girl in my small town kindergarten class? I am not even sure if her family moved before first grade. I don’t recall her continuing in our school. I was too young at the time to wonder about this, but I can’t use that excuse any longer. This example from my own life does not represent liberty and justice for all. I am not sure what happened to Regina, but she most likely did not have the same educational privileges that I did. For this reason (and many more) it is now time for me to mourn for the black community for the rights (justice) that have been withheld from them. I have to be honest. I am having a hard time celebrating the 4th of July this year, Independence Day. Not just because of the current Pandemic impacting social gatherings and fireworks but because of the events of this past month and really the past several years. This 4th will be more subdued and reflective for our family. I do have the custard for homemade ice cream in the fridge chilling and we will grill hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner not forgetting the watermelon. But, am I truly proud to be an American? This is Independence Day, but who benefits from this independence, this freedom? Do all Americans truly benefit from liberty and justice? It is for this reason our Independence day will be more low key. Even though I am struggling with the thought of my US citizenship, a privilege because of my birth in this country, I am not struggling with my citizenship as a Christian. I have been adopted into the Kingdom of God. I can say with the Apostle Paul, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Philippians 3:20 I I may live in a “great” nation but this nation is made up of sinners, me included. Because we are sinners, our nation is flawed. But there is hope because of the truth found in God’s word. I encourage you during this season of turmoil to seek first the Bible for truth, not the news, social media, or maybe even family or friends. The Bible is our plumb line, our center line. The Bible keeps us centered on what is true.. “So this is what the Sovereign Lord says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed. I will make justice the measuring line and righteousness the plumb line.” Isaiah 28:16, 17 I place my trust in that cornerstone, a sure foundation. Our nation does not define justice, but God’s word does. So on this Independence Day, I am taking time to celebrate the freedom I have experienced as an American but it will be a sober celebration as I reflect and mourn with the people of color because of the lack of justice they have received. Lord, may your kingdom come. Matthew 6:10 Simply Nourished: A Recipe for Parenting Do you know I go on a daily morning date? And it is not with Eric! Oh my! I don't even have to leave my home for this date although in the summer I venture out to the back yard. This date is one of my favorite parts of my day. Partly because it involves a cup of tea but most importantly because of who I spend this time with. You may be wondering who I date in the morning. I have a date with the Trinity: my heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The first step in nourishing your children is nourishing yourself spiritually. Look back with me at Deuteronomy 6:4-7, "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength..." How do we love the Lord? We can answer this question by answering this question. How do we express love to our family and friends? We spend time with them. Spend time with your Lord. Invest in this relationship and it will have ripple affects into other relationships. One way to invest in this relationship is through daily time in Bible reading and prayer. After doing a few morning tasks, I put a kettle of water on to boil. I put a bag of green tea into a mug and fill it with the boiling water, do a few more morning tasks while it steeps and then my date begins. I take my mug of steaming tea out to the couch facing our front window, pull up the blinds and watch the glory of God displayed in the colors of the rising sun in the stillness of the morning. I open my devotional, currently The Way of Abundance by Ann Voskamp. I read the daily passage and make time to answer the reflection questions (ugh, reflection, now we are getting personal.) Then I offer up incense in the form of gratitude and prayer as I write out my prayers in my journal. Did you know our prayers rise to God as incense. They are a pleasing scent rising up to God. "My prayer is set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be the like evening (morning :) sacrifice." Psalm 141:2. This date with God is transformational and prepares my heart and mind for the day. He meets me here. He draws near and speaks to my mind and heart. He changes my often negative perspective to a positive one. Do I want live in ungratefulness or gratitude? Do I want to live in fear or faith? Do I want to live with selfishness or a servant's heart? I want choose gratitude, faith, and a servant's heart so I make it a priority to spend time loving God with all my heart, soul and mind so I can go out and serve him with all my strength. Do you desire to nourish your children? Begin with nourishing yourself with a daily date with God. Some tools I use to help me specifically pray for Eric, Hannah and Abby. I was so excited at college freshman orientation to get a new calendar for Hannah (It's the little things that make a BIG impact!)
Introduction The task of nourishing our children can seem overwhelming at times. Especially when we realize that nourishing our children encompasses so much more than sustaining them physically. How do we nourish the child(ren) entrusted to us mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually? What does nourish even mean? Nourish: nurture, to promote the growth of, to furnish or sustain with nutriment. Nourishment promotes growth. A child will grow, but the goal of parenting is to raise a child until they are able to care for themselves. What does that practically look like day-to-day?
It goes back to Deuteronomy 6:4-7. "4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." I am not saying it is simple to raise a child. But, I am saying that it is the simple consistent investments in our child every day that nourishes them. "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Parenting has been one of my greatest joys. In this series of blog posts I plan to share some practical tips on simply nourishing your child. Join me on this journey. I feel like Eric and I gave Satan a black eye last week. I believe anytime a couple resolve conflicts in marriage they take back ground that Satan has stolen; they give him a black eye. Satan is the father of lies. He wants so much for us to believe the lie that our spouse is the enemy. But, our spouse is not the enemy Satan is the enemy! In Mark 10:8 Jesus says that they (husband and wife) are no longer two but one. We are on the same team! If we are going to win this war to save marriages then we need to resist the urge to fight each other. I know from 26 years of being in a relationship with Eric that conflict for lack of a better term, sucks. It is a dark time; it can be a lonely time. We as humans are sinners and are not perfect. Therefore, we are not capable of loving anyone perfectly. But, that does not excuse us from not trying or disobeying the second greatest commandment of loving our neighbor as our self (Mark 12:31). Conflict is inevitable when any two people are together. We are each uniquely created individuals with different ways of thinking, expressing love and receiving love. I had an epiphany this past week in the midst of conflict. You would think I would have been able to grasp this the first ten times Eric tried to explain it to me. The way I feel when Eric is unloving to me is the way he feels when I am disrespectful to him. I want him to respond to me in love even in the midst of conflict. Then shouldn’t he want me to respond to him in respect even in the midst of conflict? There is a reason God commanded a husband to love his wife and a wife to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33). It is not how we are each wired or act naturally. Respect is defined as an act of giving particular attention, the quality or state of being esteemed. Love is defined as a strong affection for another arising out of personal ties or an assurance of affection. Two words jumped out to me in these definitions. Esteemed and assurance. Does my husband feel esteemed; does he feel like he comes above my own needs? I can answer for Eric that he does not always feel this and then we spiral into conflict. As a wife I need the assurance of my husband’s love. When he is gruff or short with me, I feel unloved and we spiral into conflict. Then come those times when both partners are depleted from extra stress at work/ministry/home or sickness. Then neither is able to offer the other the love and respect that each feel they deserve. It is so hard to get out of this vicious cycle of pointing fingers. Healthy communication becomes non-existent. We become enemies and Satan is gaining ground. So what is a couple to do when they find they are in this dark place? First, we need to pray. We may feel like our spouse is the enemy. Luke 6:27-36 is very clear on how we are to treat our earthly enemies. Love, do good, bless, be merciful and pray. God will change our hearts when we begin to pray for our spouse. So we are in turn able to love, do good, bless and be merciful. Second, we need to remember we cannot do this in our own power. Do you know we have our own personal counselor? The Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth. (John 14:15-27) He will empower us to love and respect our spouse in the good and bad times. Third, we need to step back and look at the bigger picture. Is there extra stress and demands on our personal lives that is affecting our relationship with our spouse? Is this a season where we need to offer more grace? How can we help each other to set boundaries to create time to nurture our relationship? In these difficult seasons of conflict we need to realize our spouse is not the actual enemy. Satan is the enemy. Is it any wonder that Satan wants to destroy marriages? A marriage is the beautiful illustration of Christ’s love for his bride, the Church. Satan wants to destroy both marriages and the Church with fear, miscommunication, misunderstanding, and mistrust which leads to hatred. Friends we need to fight for our marriages. Take responsibility for your actions and your conduct. Don’t point fingers. Ask yourself what can I do to help our marriage not only survive but thrive? How can I love my wife well? How can I respect my husband well? This may entail asking your spouse what that looks like tangibly for them. What you define as love or respect may not be how your spouse defines those terms. An epiphany, I know. Being the wife of a pastor I have attended a lot of weddings throughout our married life. One verse that has stood out to me is Mark 10:9, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” God has brought us together. He has joined us together, we are one. He is using me to help form Eric to be all that He created him to be. And vice versa. As uncomfortable as conflict may be, they are opportunities for growth. They are opportunities to chip away at those qualities in us that are not pleasing to God. They can be used to help us become all God intends for us to be. |
AuthorI am a woman who loves everything about making a house a home. I enjoy meal planning, cooking, baking, sewing, crafting, and decorating. Not so much cleaning and laundry, but that goes along with caring for a home. I am blessed to be married to a pastor and we have had the privilege of raising two daughters. Archives
July 2021
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