Not only is this the beginning of a new year, it is the marker of having lived a half century for me. This turning point in my life is the perfect time to ask myself what Ann Voskamp calls the Hagar Question, "Where are you coming from and where are you going to?" "Where are you coming from?" Ah, there is so much in having lived 50 years of life. Who is Rebecca Lynn Pancake Flood? Formative events from each decade...
Where are you going to, Rebecca Lynn? I am approaching the second half of my life in humble surrender. I am an Enneagram Five. I am the investigator. Defined in the Road Back to You as "analytical, detached and private, they are motivated by a need to gain knowledge, conserve energy and avoid relying on others." Part of my motivation to gain knowledge is to have a sense of control (not relying on others.) The desire to gain knowledge itself is not bad but the desire to be in control is not always good. During my devotional time this week I was wondering what the opposite of control is. The word that came to me is SURRENDER. I added the word humble after reading A Prayer for the Beginning of a Year by Wayne Garvey. I Corinthians 8:1 states that knowledge puffs up while love builds up. I desire to build others up in love and I can see how that ties nicely into being a personal life coach. The knowledge I want to gain is in getting to know the story of the other. In one of my favorite Christmas movies, It's a Wonderful Life, Clarence the angel learns that in order to help someone you need to get to know them. The first half of the movie is Clarence getting to know the life of George Bailey so he might be able to help him. In the next half century of my life I humbling surrender my life to you Lord. I surrender my gifts and my talents to be used to build others up in love. This is where I am going. This painting is by Renoir and is in the Musée d'Orsay in Paris. Renoir is one of my favorite artists. The expression on this young woman's face and her demeanor stood out to me and is a visual reminder to me of humble surrender. I see her as relaxed and not anxious. She has a slight smile on her face. With this same demeanor I am beginning 2023.
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I experienced a Samuel moment this summer while on Sabbatical. Becky, you may ask, who is Samuel and what does he have to do with you? Samuel is the son of Elkanah and Hannah. Hannah had been barren and prayed and petitioned the Lord for a son. She made a promise to the Lord that if she was able to have a son she would give him back to the Lord to serve Him all the days of his life. The Lord answered Hannah’s prayer and she had Samuel. After she had weaned Samuel she took him to the house of the Lord and presented him to Eli, the priest, to be raised in the house of the Lord. One night when Samuel was a child he heard someone calling his name. He ran to Eli and said, “here I am; you called me.” But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” This happened a total of three times and Eli realized that the Lord was the one calling Samuel. So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’” “So Samuel went and lay down. Then the Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, ‘Samuel! Samuel!’. Then Samuel said, ‘Speak, for your servant is listening.’” Following is my Samuel story. For the past year and a half I have been following Sally Clarkson, an American Christian author and speaker, on Instagram. I was first introduced to Sally by reading a blog post she wrote as a guest on Ann Voskamp’s site. Shortly after reading her post I discovered she also had a podcast called At Home with Sally. When I first started listening to her podcast she was living in Oxford. This was about the time Eric and I were beginning to plan our Sabbatical for the Summer of 2020. I enjoyed listening to her describe day-to-day life in Oxford and dreamed about the time Eric and I would be able to experience Oxford for ourselves. Sally and I are kindred souls with a deep love for our Savior, our families and a strong cup of tea. Because of the Covid Pandemic that changed the plans of so many in 2020 our Sabbatical was postponed until 2021. I knew when we traveled to Oxford this past June that Sally was still living there with her husband Clay. Oxford is a city of 151,000 people. What are the chances that my path would cross with Sally’s? As it just so happens :) the first Sunday that Eric and I attended St. Aldate’s Church in Oxford I spotted Sally and Clay across the sanctuary. Now what are the chances that we would attend the very same service? There are four services at St. Aldate’s on Sundays and because of the Covid restrictions in June you need to preregister for service. Eric prompted me to introduce myself to Sally after the service. As only a shy introvert is able, I timidly went up to Sally and introduced myself and expressed my appreciation for her ministry of encouragement to moms. In her very gracious way, she invited me to Monday with Sally’s. Monday with Sally’s was a book study Sally hosted at her home for moms. This past summer they were going through her book Mission of Motherhood. I was not going to pass up an opportunity to be with Sally so I eagerly agreed to come. The very next evening, I put on my raincoat, took my umbrella, and my phone so I could listen to an Inspector Gamache mystery by Louise Penny while I walked the two miles through the University Parks to Sally’s home. As I approached her home I met some lovely ladies also on their way to the study. This was reassuring as I did not have to arrive by myself. Sally had chairs set up in her garage because we could not meet indoors at the time because of the Covid restrictions. She had a lovely tea cart with china tea cups, tea and biscuits. I gathered with women from Oxford and all over the world with the common desire to learn how to be the best mom we can be. What an unexpected blessing for me to be in fellowship with moms while in Oxford. Sally shared from her life experience and from God’s word and prayed over us. What a gift for me! My Sally story does not end there. The study was Monday evening. On Wednesday, Eric and I walked into Oxford to have tea/coffee at the Garden Cafe at University Church with a wonderful view of the Radcliffe Camera. As Eric and I were sitting there enjoying our warm beverages on a chilly morning Sally arrived and sat at the table next to ours. After we had finished our tea/coffee and she had finished her breakfast, I went over to her table so I could introduce her to Eric. She was very kind and after the introductions we sat back down at our table. She approached us before she left to suggest some places in Oxford she thought would be beneficial for us to visit. Okay, I am now sitting at my table asking the question, God, is there anything I should be paying attention to because I keep bumping into Sally in a city of 150,000 people? I appreciate how playful God is with the little and big ways He shows us that He sees us and cares for each of us individually. I am now asking the question just as Samuel did, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” My interaction with Sally did not end that day. I was able to attend the book study the next Monday too. This time she had a canopy set up outside her home with twinkling lights. It was an inviting welcoming spot with the same tea cart, china cups, muffins and fresh cherries on a cool misty evening. A side note: While walking to Sally’s that evening I realized halfway there I forgot to bring my face mask just in case I needed to ride the bus back to our air bnb. I texted Eric to let him know I would need to walk home because I forgot my mask. I continued on my walk and a biker passed me and stopped. I looked up and realized it was Eric. He had brought me my mask. (Read my earlier blog post to learn about the work we had been doing on our marriage while on Sabbatical.) The time he took to bring me my mask expressed love for me, a simple act from my knight in shining armor riding on a bike through the park to rescue me from germs :) Still brings a smile to my face. Back to Sally’s canopy. It was another lovely evening among moms from all stages of life. There was laughter, there was empathy, there was understanding and there was encouragement to rest in God’s love and care for us women and moms. Before I left that evening I received a warm hug from Sally. My third Sally encounter. As I anticipated returning home I felt the Lord saying, “you can minister to moms like Sally ministers to moms.” I have a gazillion teacups just waiting to be used. I have twenty three years of motherhood experience just waiting to be shared. And, I love to bake, desiring to pamper and care for moms who just need an evening or morning to be encouraged. So, here is my question for you. Are you a mom (with children between the ages of 0-18) who desires to grow? Who has questions about how to raise children in the culture and world in which we live? In our over scheduled lives are you available to meet either once a week or twice a month? Does a morning or evening work best for you? Please respond either with a comment below on this blog post, in a personal message or in the comments on Facebook. I would like to begin a study and I am initially doing a survey to see what the interest and availability of women are. I am fast forwarding thirty years in my remembering posts. My writing got stuck at the end of last summer for various reasons. I had reached the point when Eric and I met. As I remembered this time in my life there was this pit in my stomach and this feeling of dread as I thought about how Eric and I related to each other while dating. These patterns started in dating and continued into marriage. Some of these patterns were brought into the light when we took some online assessments this past Spring. In April we met with a consultant and several pastoral staff with Community Christian Church to review the assessments. It was no surprise to me that my EQ (Emotional Intelligence) score would be low and my approaches to conflict are not healthy. After the consultation we received the assessment debrief with several books to read. This reading would be our homework for our Sabbatical. Literally our homework as we began during our required six days of isolation in Oxford. We started with The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk. Okay, this book is not for the faint of heart. It covers the effects of trauma on our bodies...physically, mentally, and emotionally. Neither Eric or I experienced extreme trauma in our childhood or adulthood but there are still theories we see at work in each of us. When I started reading the book I thought memories from childhood would emerge; however, emotions began to arise from memories from Eric and I’s dating relationship. That pit in my stomach was back along with the feeling of dread. Dr. Wiens, the consultant came to the following conclusion from my assessments and consultation in April...She has felt that she is responsible for managing other’s emotions, which likely stems from her family of origin all the way to her relationship with Eric. Because she has been responsible for keeping everything stable and functioning, she has done this at the price of truly being who God created her to be. She has paid the price and now needs to step forward. This unhealthy pattern of internalizing my emotions and feeling responsible for managing others' emotions to keep things stable began in childhood partly as the result of being raised in a divorced single parent home. It became my coping mechanism for managing the world around me especially sad and angry times. You can imagine the conflict that is going to arise when you have a person who internalizes emotions and does not take the time to process them and share them starts to date a person who overthinks thinking and verbally processes emotions at times without any regulation swinging from high to low very quickly, even more so in time of stress. For those who know us, you know that this past year has been very stressful. I have continued to be the stabilizer in our family as we have been confronted this past year with the Covid Pandemic, racial unrest and ministry stress to the detriment of my emotional health. By the time we got to the SPC Farewell Reception at the end of April I was emotionally numb. I have learned that someone who does not take the time to process anger and sadness is also not able to experience joy and happiness. This is not where one desires to be at the start of a three month Sabbatical. That is exactly where Eric and I were at the start of Sabbatical. Eric swinging from high to low emotionally and I not experiencing any emotion at all and even worse becoming an emotional judge wondering why Eric was not able to get a handle on his emotions. And then we decide to read The Body Keeps the Score, why not toss gasoline on a fire that was already started? A majority of our time on Sabbatical has been explosive, well as explosive as two introverts can become :) We have not only been dealing with the let downs and unmet expectations of what we hoped Sabbatical would be because of continued Covid restrictions, we understand, but still feel the loss. On top of that we have been dealing with unhealthy patterns of relating to each other coming to light as we processed The Body Keeps the Score. But God. I love that transition used in Scripture. But God is a God of redemption. The strand of yarn woven throughout my life. I believe God's main purpose of Sabbatical is to redeem our marriage. I am grateful that we both desire to make changes in our personal lives to improve our marriage. The hard work began with sharing hurts with Eric. I needed to acknowledge and share the hurts so healing could begin to take place. There were a lot of tears, but tears can be so cleansing. I want to feel again and live life to the fullest. I want in the words of Dr. Wiens to be truly who God created me to be. Patterns established early in childhood and practiced for over thirty years are not easy to change. But God, God's grace is sufficient and He provides the tools. The next book Eric and I read is Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett. This book is a little more accessible and gave us some tools to grow in our emotional health using the RULER method. Recognize the occurrence of an emotion Understand the cause that fuels the emotion Label the emotion Express - here's what I feel and why, here's what I want to happen next, here's what I need from you right now Regulate the emotion in healthy ways There is even a recommended app to check in with your emotions. I am attempting to use this regularly throughout the day. Writing this post was a good reminder to check in on the app, see you are holding me accountable. Also, God has met us in special ways as we have worshipped at St. Aldates Church weekly while here in Oxford. Two weeks ago Vernon and Jenny just happened to sit next to us. They are a retired pastors. They invited us over to have lunch with them. What a sweet time of fellowship with our brother and sister in Christ. As we were leaving their home Jenny shared with us that she could not sleep the night before and began to pray for us. She had this vision of God using a power tool to break up hard ground. She wanted us to know God has power tools. Praise God for His power tool, the Holy Spirit working in our lives to break up old unhealthy patterns. Ergo (felt inspired to use this word while in England, so much more fun than so), we have just over one week left in our Sabbatical. God has begun to redeem our lives and our marriage and we are returning with hope. I was able to wear my princess dress almost 26 years ago. I did dream of a fairy tale wedding and marriage. We did have a fairy tale wedding feeling sacred at times, but the marriage has not been the fairy tale I imagined. I heard a wonderful quote this morning from G. K. Chesterton, "Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.” I believe the dragon trying to destroy our marriage is being killed. This season during the Coronavirus Pandemic at times has seemed bleak. One of my purposes for writing these reflections is recalling the past blessings of God which has given me hope that He is now working and will continue to work in my life. Further down my life’s journey I will be writing about how God blessed me in this pandemic season. It is only appropriate that I listen to Keith Green during this morning of writing. You will find out at the end of this paragraph. The focus of this installment is calling. Calling to what? What is calling? Does this word show my age? Do people use the word calling anymore? Merriam-Webster defines calling as “a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence.” My strong inner impulse (divine influence being the Holy Spirit) began sometime while in middle school. Our church youth group visited a nearby sister church in Defiance, OH for overnight church lock-in. A lock-in was a time when you could play games in the gym, watch movies or hang out with your friends, basically stay up all night with no sleep. I was probably one of the few watching a documentary the church was showing on the life of Keith Green, an American gospel musician and songwriter. Tears streamed down my face there sitting in the dark as I watched his story unfold. I was inspired by his life. I felt the impulse again in high school during a service at Calvary Chapel of Auburn with Gentle Touch Ministries, a Christian singing group. While listening to them sing and tell how God was using them to share His love and the message of salvation around the world, including Eastern Europe, I felt that some day I wanted to travel to share the Gospel with others. At the time I was not sure where this path would lead but I felt I was being “called” into ministry. As high school graduation approached I wondered what my next steps would look like. The common question of every high school senior, what do I want to do with my life? Should I follow my older brother to Ball State University? For a time I considered going into Fashion Merchandising hoping to own my own boutique some day. Not sure where this desire came from? Maybe it was a desire to surround myself with beautiful clothes since my wardrobe was very limited growing up because we did not have a lot of money. Thrift shopping was not the in thing in the 80’s and 90’s. I shopped for sales at our local stores and the mall. As most high school seniors desire to spread their wings and leave the nest, I dreamed about attending a school near Atlanta that offered Fashion Merchandising. But, this just did not seem like the path for me. I did not have peace about pursuing this direction. The inner impulse (Holy Spirit) was leading me back to ministry. The summer following graduation I was a part of SMP (Summer Missionary Project) at Oakhill, the campground owned by our fellowship of churches in Angola, IN. We served as camp counselors for the 3rd-5th grade camps and middle school camps and during non-camp weeks worked on the grounds cleaning dorms and cabins, working in the kitchen, and maintaining the church grounds. Jess Jessup, was the director of this program. We worked hard but this was a great discipleship program. During the course of the summer we read Christian classics by Brother Lawrence and A. W. Tozer. We would gather at the beginning of the day to talk about what we had read and pray. Half way through the summer as some of the counselors began to pair up as couples, I felt a little jealous. It was during this season of my life that I felt the Lord directing me to Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (most likely while listening to the Petra Praise CD). For the rest of the summer my attention turned to seeking first His kingdom. Before the summer began, I began to make plans to attend Christian Training Center (CTC), a two year non accredited Bible School operated by Calvary Ministries, the fellowship of churches that Calvary Chapel of Auburn was a part of. They had two locations, one in Fort Wayne, IN and one in Clearwater, FL. Since my desire to spread my wings was still there we visited the Clearwater location while my family was on vacation the summer after graduation. I remember either while we (Mom, Merle and me) were visiting with the director or shortly after our meeting breaking out in tears because I felt Clearwater was not the place for me. I am pretty sure it was while we were still visiting with him, how embarrassing. So we traveled home with plans for me to begin CTC in Fort Wayne while still living at home, sigh. I began CTC in the fall of 1991 and also began working as the secretary for CTC. I went to school in the morning in Fort Wayne and traveled to Angola in the afternoon to work. Tara, my best friend from church also served with SMP and attended CTC. She hosted a party for the counselors and some students from CTC just as CTC was beginning the fall semester. Thus is the beginning of my next installment and another wind of the yarn. Stay tuned as the story of my calling begins to unfold. P.S. Some of my favorite songs that give words to the story of my life. Be Thou My Vision and Give Me Jesus sung by Fernando Ortega. To Live as Christ words by Steve Fry sung beautifully by my stepfather, Merle. To Live Is Christ Lyrics (1986) To live is Christ and to die is gain There is no other life that I desire to claim Than the life that's dead that I might live again No more in self to pride, for I have died And to live is Christ, and to live is Christ For I've been crucified, and to live is Christ And my single thought is just to hear Your voice For this I have been bought, to make my Lord rejoice And if all I do is bring joy to You Then let my life be poured, an offering to the Lord And to live is Christ, and to live is Christ For I've been crucified, and to live is Christ Let my life be a fountain of Your blessing Let my life be a fragrant sacrifice That the hurt and bruised may know the God that loves them so Forever let my prayer be I am pausing in my chronological story to talk about grandparents and the important role they played in my life. I was fortunate to have strong relationships with both sets of grandparents and my great-grandmother. They were all different in their personalities but I can see a piece of each of them in my personality. Great-grandma Deventer or Grandma Venter to her great grandchildren lived in a farmhouse surrounded by fields on a gravel road between our home in Auburn and my grandparents home in Fort Wayne. I believe grandparents have a gift of giving unconditional love to their grandchildren. Being a single parent my mom did not have the capacity to give one-on-one attention to each of her children as much as she probably wanted. This is where grandparents stepped in for me. I remember a few overnight sleepovers at Great- Grandma Venter’s home. Just me and Grandma Venter. I loved having all the attention of my grandma. Now that I am an adult, I am sure she enjoyed having someone with her as well because she lived by herself. It is amazing how many memories are associated with food...marshmallows or gumdrops in crazy daisy corelle dishes, fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet tea but not too sweet and fresh raspberries from the garden. These are a few of my favorite things. Grandma Venter’s white farmhouse had peonies blooming in the front yard along with the prickly fir trees that dropped needles in the yard making it treacherous to go barefoot. Grandma Venter was an excellent seamstress making clothes for her grandchildren (I still have some of the dresses she made my mom) and baby quilts for her great grandchildren. In her bedroom I enjoyed looking at her small collection of costume jewelry in her light blue jewelry box with the scent of sewing machine oil, fabric, patterns and Grandma’s lotion filling the room. Jim and Carol Ahlersmeyer were my mom’s parents. They lived in a subdivision on the north side of Fort Wayne. Christmas Eve and birthdays were celebrated with my grandparents. Grandpa Jim made my tenth birthday extra special by making a sign and attaching it along with balloons to their lamp in the front yard. I remember feeling simultaneously embarrassed and loved when we pulled up in front of their home to see the sign and balloons. Vacations as young children were often made possible because of grandparents. One summer Grandpa Jim took my mom, my older brother and me to Peru, IN to see the circus and to Monticello, IN to Indiana Beach Amusement Park. We spent the night in a motel (remember the ones with all the doors opening to the outside with an outdoor pool in the middle). The night we stayed at the motel there was a lunar eclipse and I remember everyone sitting in chairs outside watching it. Again, my memories are associated with food. Grandma Carol made the best zucchini cookies with cream cheese frosting, cinnamon applesauce that she flavored with red cinnamon candy pieces and vegetable beef soup. What Grandparent does not always have ice cream in the freezer? Grandpa and Grandma usually had neapolitan ice cream in theirs. They also had a supply of Pepsi in tall glass bottles in the fridge with back up in the garage. Grandma Carol is a dooer and she often expressed love by helping others. After Abby was born she drove from her home in Fort Wayne, IN to our home in Bryan, OH to help do some cleaning, watch Hannah for an afternoon while I napped, and made her famous applesauce. It is no wonder she felt quite loved when my parents, siblings and my nieces and nephews gathered on a Saturday in June a few years ago to clean her home, work in the yard and take her grocery shopping. We were speaking her love language. Grandma Carol enjoyed working in her yard growing a small vegetable garden and tending to rose bushes behind her house. I can remember the smell of lily of the valley growing near her front door. Cookouts with grilled hamburgers and hotdogs and lawn games were the best at Grandpa Jim and Grandma Carol’s in the summer time. We played lawn games like horseshoes, yard darts, croquet and badminton. From the youngest to the oldest, Grandpa Jim got everyone involved. I remember sleepovers at my grandparent’s home. My Grandpa Jim stepped in to fulfill the role of my missing dad. He taught me to ride a bike, holding me steady running behind until I was able to ride on my own. Grandpa Jim and Grandma Carol both worked. Grandpa Jim for Allen Dairy and Grandma Carol at Montgomery Wards. Because they both worked sleepovers often occurred over the weekend. Saturday morning my Grandpa worked either in the yard or around the house, but Saturday afternoon you would find him in his favorite chair in the back family room watching either baseball or black and white Westerns. Grandpa Jim was athletic and enjoyed baseball, basketball, golf and bowling. Sometimes Grandpa Jim and Grandma Carol would take us out to dinner at one of the many Don Hall’s restaurants in Fort Wayne. These are restaurants where the speciality was steak with baked potatoes. When we spent Saturday night we would go to Leo United Methodist Church with my grandparents where Grandpa Jim served as an usher. Grandpa and Grandma Weigle are my dad’s mom and step-dad. I never knew my Grandpa Pancake so Grandpa Weigle stepped into the role of Grandpa with much love. Grandpa Weigle was talented artistically, musically and as a writer. He painted beautiful rural watercolor scenes. He played the organ at their church and he wrote poems and documented his courtship and early marriage to my Grandma in writing. He was quite romantic. For most of my childhood they lived in Florida. Because they lived so far away we only saw them a few times a year. But, they were intentional in being a part of our lives. Even after my parents divorce the relationship between my mom and Grandma remained strong. Mom was always a daughter in love. The bonds in the family of God can be stronger than marriage familial bonds. Grandma Weigle grew up in Ohio and lived for a time in Indiana and became a part of the Church of God Quite a few summers she traveled to Anderson, IN to attend the church of God camp meeting. One summer she attended camp meeting and then I was able to travel back to Lockport, NY with her where they were living at the time. Grandpa Weigle was a general contractor for industrial construction and his work took him around the country. One-on-one time with a grandparent, just what my heart needed during the summer of 1983. I see a pattern in my life of valuing one-on-one time. I am not a big group person who is attracted to the spotlight. Give me face-to-face time and I am content. Road trips or for that matter any time with Grandma Weigle was not dull. Things just seemed to happen to Grandma Weigle. She may become flustered by them momentarily but then she had the ability to laugh at herself. I am glad I saw this modeled for me. The ability to not take myself so seriously. For example, one time when we were visiting her in Florida we went shopping. For some reason, she had left the car running with the air conditioning on and when we got back to the car the windows were all steamed up. I believe she may have locked the doors too. I was only ten when I traveled to New York with Grandma to spend three weeks before my mom and siblings came to pick me up. At the age of ten three weeks was a long time to spend away from your parents. My Grandma and I would go shopping, miniature golfing and to the movies. Disney re-released Snow White that summer and she took me to see it. I would watch Little House on the Prairie in the afternoon while Grandma took a nap. Grandpa Weigle let me use his paints to paint a rooster he had drawn on a piece of wood. When my mom and siblings came we visited Niagara Falls with a boat ride on Maiden of the Mist and an afternoon excursion into Canada to a small amusement park where I bought the Secret Garden as a souvenir. After my mom remarried in 1985, my brother and I rode back to Florida with my Grandma and spent some time with her and my Grandpa. They taught us how to play euchre and I think we may have played every night. Grandma took us to Epcot Center and to the beach to play in the waves. My first period had been earlier that year and it was not quite regular. Wouldn’t you know it, I got my period while we were in Florida. I can be so stinking independent and shy I never told my Grandma about it. I am sure the trip would have been much easier if I had filled her in on this detail of my life. But no, I tried to figure out how I was going to navigate wearing a pad to the beach with my swimsuit. I am thankful some subjects are not as taboo to talk about as they once were. I am sure my Grandma would have understood my dilemma but I just was not certain how to bring up the topic and again the independence. Grandma Venter passed away in 1984 when I was 11. Grandpa Jim had a heart attack when I was in the sixth grade and stayed in a nursing home for the remainder of his life. He later died in 1988 when I was a sophomore in high school. Grandpa Weigle passed away in 1991 when I was a senior in high school. Grandma Weigle passed away in 2012. Another wind of the yarn, grandparents. I am grateful for the impact they each had on my life. Each of their lives are entwined with mine, making me who I am today. I did not know Grandpa Pancake but I favor his side of the family in looks with green eyes and brunette hair. I enjoy caring for my home through making satiating home cooked meals and sewing like my Grandma Venter. I can be a dooer like Grandma Carol and although I don’t like to clean as much as she does, I do appreciate a clean and orderly home. Hmm, how am I like Grandpa Jim? I am thankful for his example of loving others well and enjoying life. This is still an example to me. Expressing love to others through warm hugs and not being afraid to try new things. Grandma Weigle also enjoyed life, although her life was incredibly hard at times. I appreciate her ability to not take yourself too seriously. I believe I inherited stubbornness and independence from both grandmothers. Grandpa Weigle was a tender man and expressed love well to his family. I am extremely grateful that even though I had an absent father, God blessed me with these tremendous men of God who were not afraid to show feelings and express love to their grandchildren. I think these positive qualities that I saw modeled in my grandfathers made me instinctively look for the same qualities in a future husband. Eric is athletic, he expresses love well to his family and he has written quite a few poems to me throughout our dating and marriage years. My ball of yarn is getting bigger and I still have over half my life left. :) Poem written by Grandpa Weigle to my Grandma Weigle on their 5th Anniversary in 1973.
Hand in Hand We were strolling hand in hand through life’s enchanted garden, My wife and I. The path, the flowers and trees were sprinkled with sun and shade. See over there, our son Lee who is now grown and a fine young man. Life was sweet and full and all was so perfect and right. As we strolled hand in hand through life’s enchanted garden, My wife and I. Suddenly in the winking of the eye, all around was darkness. No sun to light the way for my wife and I. The earth it did shake, the winds did blast. I clasped her hand so tight. Hold me tighter she cried, “I’m so afraid.” Don’t let me slip, don’t let me slip away. I strained and strained with all my might. In human strength I failed and she slipped away. In exhaustion I dropped to the path and there I lay. Finally my eyes were open, it was light in an eerie sort of way. I looked down the path and all was shrouded in mist and haze. It must be a dream, yes a dream and I looked around, But she was gone and my hand so empty hung. I must find her, and up and down the path I ran Hours turned into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months. She was gone, forever gone from life’s enchanted garden. Can this be life’s enchanted garden with all the mist and haze? Is this really life’s enchanted pathway with me so all alone? Alone! Was I really alone? No! I could not be alone. It is written. “Lo, I am with you always, even into the end.” “I was with you in the darkness as I was with you in the light. Keep walking, keeping going on, on down through life’s enchanted garden.” With new assurance I moved along but the mist and haze did not go away. As I was walking along one day, a voice I heard, I stopped. “Jack, look toward the south one day” the voice did say. “To the south and down Florida way.” I asked. “Yes to the south, there is someone so nice down Fort Lauderdale way. I have found you a new companion, a new love. So please don’t delay.” And then all was quiet and still. The mist, the haze, it is lifting, the enchanted garden, I could see again, the flowers, the trees all seemed so right. With new hope and haste I traveled on, Looking, looking to the south and Florida way. And then I saw her standing alone in the enchanted garden How could I help but see her, the most beautiful flower In life’s enchanted garden that day. With halting steps I approached and looked into her eyes. I reached out my hand and with trembling voice I asked. “Helen Dear I would love to take you hand in mine. I would ask you to stroll hand in hand with me, Down through life’s enchanted garden.” She reached out her hand to mine with smile so sweet, And for five years we have traveled together down life’s path. My wife and I. The path, the flowers and trees more beautiful grow. And in the garden are new and wondrous flowers. Just look over there! We see Timmy, and Lara, and Becky, Our new delights. Isn’t life’s enchanted garden so beautiful Darling? As we stroll hand in hand down through the pathways My wife and I. Jack Weigle |
AuthorI am a woman who loves everything about making a house a home. I enjoy meal planning, cooking, baking, sewing, crafting, and decorating. Not so much cleaning and laundry, but that goes along with caring for a home. I am blessed to be married to a pastor and we have had the privilege of raising two daughters. Archives
July 2021
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